Being A Dickhead In Melbourne
Arriving in at 6am on a Thursday morning, I had expected to find the city of Melbourne to be dead, apart from the odd yummy mummy balancing a baby in one hand and a Louis vuitton bag in the other. Maybe there would be a scattering of school kids smoking cigarettes and staring challengingly at any passersby whose eyes accidentally met theirs. There may even be the odd suit-clad worker ambling from one appointment to the next.
What I hadn’t anticipated and what I found was a city brimming with life and colour. Narrow walkways like Hosier Lane or Degraves St buzzed with a population whose only occupation was to look fashionable while sipping skinny mocha decaf frappachinos. At this odd hour of the morning it seemed that every footstool, chair and bench was warmed by a sexy bottom of an art student.
After meeting some old friends from back home we decide to explore the city on foot, despite the abundance of free tourist buses and trams. In dark corners and grungy back-alleys across the city painted faces were twisted into menacing grimaces, and scantily clad women flashed their thighs in scenester clothing. And then theres the architecture around the city. The recently refurbished docklands area is an array of eye boggling skyscrapers with splashes of colour and illusion. The boardwalks and 7 bridges over the Yarra river are unique in every way. And among towers of green and red plastic milk crates Melbourne’s artistic souls stencilled, sprayed and splashed to their hearts content leaving behind them a trail of vibrant and trashy artwork graffiti.
Although it may not look like much at first sight, Melbourne is an intensely satisfying city to explore and has many distinctive parts. A seemingly endless network of nooks and crannies, it’s not hard to find a corner of the city of your own – a crumbling redbrick wall decorated with a beautiful stencil; a covered arcade full of decadent chocolate and lush cake shops; a hole-in-the-wall cafe on an unassuming laneway; the second hand clothes boutique clothes that seem to cater for aliens, pirates and little dogs
Pros: trendy, urban and hip areas. Federation Square and the surrounding modern architecture. State and City Library, ACMI and its exhibitions, Botanical gardens and the shine of remembrance, fast and reliable tram system (4th largest in the world), numerous cafes and bars squashed on top of each other
Cons: the price of everything (10 dollar a pint even at happy hour), the constant feeling of being inadequately dressed or simply not hip enough to walk down streets, some unfriendly locals and ridiculous parking fines and penalisation for jaywalking or littering.